The Call I Have Been Waiting For…Sort Of..

Within the last ten minutes I received a call from my advocate.  Honolulu Police Department is almost sure that they have tracked down my pimp and are following him until they are sure it is him to arrest him before he leaves for Las Vegas tomorrow.  They asked if I had any definitive description of him that may help make the positive identification.  He has no visible scars of tattoos…so it’s not very easy.

I have been waiting for this call for three weeks…but now that I have got it, I am not as settled as I would like to be.  I am more than happy to be out of the game, but as someone who has done a few short stints in Jail, I would never want to put anyone there.  I have been trained to not be a ‘snitch’.  I would be lying if I didn’t secretly hope that he made it to Vegas without getting caught.  I do not want to stand up against him in court.

I do not want to look at him in the face and be the reason you go to jail for so long.  We have been through things together, ya know?  In a sense, for a very long time he has taken care of me.  He was the nicest pimp I ever had.  He didn’t hit me or abuse me.  We had a level of understanding…I won’t run or snitch or steal and you don’t hurt me or threaten me.  Aside from being my pimp, I can say that we are somewhat friends.  I have been in the Game a long time and I have a deeper understanding of it that he shares with me that a lot of the newer…and dumber girls don’t have.

I got this call and I am very anxious.  I do not know if I feel good about this.  It is actually making me a little sick.  I imagine that I will not sleep tonight.  I don’t know if I will have to go to the station and identify him, but I imagine that I will.  At what point will he know I am the one that snitched?

I was one of his most loved and trusted girls, and I feel very unloyal.  This goes against anything in the Game I have ever been taught.  He even boasted after I disappeared that “she(me) isn’t a snitch and can be trusted”.  It makes me feel pretty guilty for defying someone that has put so much trust within me.

I am very anxious right now.  Especially since he has not yet been arrested and they are just watching and following someone they believe to be him.  A little sense of relief will come when he is arrest I am sure but at the same time it is going to open up a whole new world of things….ugh…I didn’t think it would be this hard…but at the same time I did…