My Pimp’s Arrest…Salvation?

After receiving the call earlier that my pimp was being followed, even though the police were not sure if it was him, I just knew.  And two hours later I got the call that they got him.  I am a bit relieved but holy shit am I scared.  He always told me that if he ever got arrested he would find a way to bring down the “little snitch” that brought him down too.  I was told that I would have to go to the police station tonight and identify him but then they told me I could take the night off.  Tomorrow I will have to go talk to the prosecutor.  Bright and early so I better be ready.  I am shaking right now and falling somewhere between relief and total panic.  I don’t want to see him.  I don’t want to be part of the indictment process that will follow a few days later.  I am very scared.  My advocate and the girl, Sierra, that I spoke about a few posts back will be there with me.  I am racking my brain right now for real.  Normally as stressed as I a right now I would totally not be hungry but for whatever reason I decided I need pizza.

I almost want to take this stupid slave mark off my finger.  It’s a ring I wear on my left pinky that signifies my ownership to the Game.  I have tried to take it off many times but every time I have I have freaked out a little.  It has been on my finger to eight years now.  At this point, now that he is in custody I feel like it would be a good time to take it off, but I also feel like I should wait a little longer.  I am texting my closest church friend that I can trust for a little extra moral support but have been ordered not to say anything to my family and friends quite yet.  I think this is the salvation I have been waiting for but I don’t understand why I feel so conflicted.

Do I have the strength to stare him in the face and lock him away for what could be twenty years?  Do I have the courage to stand up to him once and for all?  I am not so sure.  I would like to run away from it now but that is the stupidest thing I could do.  He would be let out, I would have no where to go and surely death awaits me if I am found.

I am very tired and not sure if I will sleep tonight.  I am so confused and conflicted.  If it makes sense this is the most depressing happy I have ever felt.  I knew this day would come I just didn’t know when.  And i can’t really say that I am ready for it…FUCK.

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One thought on “My Pimp’s Arrest…Salvation?

  1. What you’re facing requires a lot of strength, but you know what? You are STRONG. You’ve had to be just to make it this far. I hope you can remember just how much strength you do have, and that you’ve used that strength to get through other things in your life as scary as this. And not only are you strong, but right now, you have the power. That’s something that was kept from you for so long, so no wonder it feels uncomfortable and frightening to have it now. It’s how he’s wanted you to feel all along. But you don’t have to do or be who he wants anymore. It’s your time.

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