After receiving the call earlier that my pimp was being followed, even though the police were not sure if it was him, I just knew. And two hours later I got the call that they got him. I am a bit relieved but holy shit am I scared. He always told me that if he ever got arrested he would find a way to bring down the “little snitch” that brought him down too. I was told that I would have to go to the police station tonight and identify him but then they told me I could take the night off. Tomorrow I will have to go talk to the prosecutor. Bright and early so I better be ready. I am shaking right now and falling somewhere between relief and total panic. I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to be part of the indictment process that will follow a few days later. I am very scared. My advocate and the girl, Sierra, that I spoke about a few posts back will be there with me. I am racking my brain right now for real. Normally as stressed as I a right now I would totally not be hungry but for whatever reason I decided I need pizza.
I almost want to take this stupid slave mark off my finger. It’s a ring I wear on my left pinky that signifies my ownership to the Game. I have tried to take it off many times but every time I have I have freaked out a little. It has been on my finger to eight years now. At this point, now that he is in custody I feel like it would be a good time to take it off, but I also feel like I should wait a little longer. I am texting my closest church friend that I can trust for a little extra moral support but have been ordered not to say anything to my family and friends quite yet. I think this is the salvation I have been waiting for but I don’t understand why I feel so conflicted.
Do I have the strength to stare him in the face and lock him away for what could be twenty years? Do I have the courage to stand up to him once and for all? I am not so sure. I would like to run away from it now but that is the stupidest thing I could do. He would be let out, I would have no where to go and surely death awaits me if I am found.
I am very tired and not sure if I will sleep tonight. I am so confused and conflicted. If it makes sense this is the most depressing happy I have ever felt. I knew this day would come I just didn’t know when. And i can’t really say that I am ready for it…FUCK.